What better way to preview the Oscars than with a couple Questions, some Bros & Cons, and a few Over/Unders. After this hodge podge of Academy-related content, you’ll be more than ready for the Grand Ceremonies on March 6th. In the meantime, enjoy Black History Month. GET SOME!

10 QUESTIONS:

Up is the only animated movie nominated for Best Picture. Does that make Up for Best Animated Feature the surest bet of all time?

When an author turns his or her own novel into a script, shouldn’t they be up for both Adapted and Original Screenplay?

With Baldwin co-hosting, will anyone be allowed to exit stage right or will everyone be directed towards the left?

Should Clooney and Bridges settle the Best Actor debate over a bottle of whiskey?

In the Original Screenplay Category, Up is credited to Bob Peterson and Pete Doctor for “screenplay” and Pete Doctor, Bob Peterson and Tom McCarthy for “story.” Did McCarthy just have one killer idea and nothing else? Why did he get muscled out of the writing process if he helped come up with the story? What the fuck guys? 

And I don’t buy it when two people are nominated for one script. I’ve written group papers before. So did one guy do the first half and the other guy just finish it?

Don’t you think that Oscar statues should be sized depending on the significance of the award? No way the Supporting Actor’s statue should be the same size as the Best Actor’s. He did half the work. And what about the Short Film? They should just get an honorary pin. If Cameron wins, his statue should be life size.

What categories do you think just missed the cut? Who did Sound Mixing beat out for the final spot? Catering? Lighting? Best Opening and Closing Credits?

I know that these have their own awards, but shouldn’t there be an Oscar for Best Trailer?

How close are we to a CGI character getting nominated for an acting award? Can we call it the Gollum?

BROS AND CONS:

Bros: The sports and sci-fi genres are both represented in the Best Picture category.

Cons: They’re represented by the wrong movies. Star Trek and Invictus were better than District 9 and Blind Side respectively.

Bros: Avatar is up for the most Oscars.

Cons: That’s nine times we could see Cameron’s weird flow.

Bros: Woody’s up for an Oscar!

Cons: I know more about the movies in the Best Animated Short category than I do The Messenger. Was this movie just screened for voters?

Bros: Star Trek and District 9 get some love for their killer, understated effects.

Cons: The Visual Effects Category this year has been renamed the Avatar award.

Bros: As referenced above, three deserving movies will compete for the Visual Effects statue.

Cons: What the fuck does Michael Bay have to blow up to get some love here?

Bros: Up in the Air has two chicks up for the Supporting Actress award.

Cons: They’ll probably lose to the third lead from Soul Plane.

Bros: The Wild Cat’s the favorite for Best Actress.

Cons: If she wins, that means Nic Cage is no longer the Oscar Winner with the crappiest filmography.

Bros: Despite not being up for an award, Colin Farrell remains a distinct presence in the Best Actor category. He has a substantial cameo in Crazy Heart and (probably) taught Renner everything he knows while on the set of SWAT.

Cons: He’s still probably a year or two away from the Lifetime Achievement Award.

Bros: Christopher Waltz from Inglorious Bastards (yea I know I didn’t it spell the title ‘correctly,’ I don’t want to resist my word’s AutoCorrect function just because Tarrantino’s weird) is the deserving favorite for the Best Supporting Actor Award.

Cons: If he wins, that’ll be the second Nazi portrayal in a row to receive an Oscar (Kate Winslet last year for the reader). Need I remind everyone that this America? Sure he did a great job, but shouldn’t we be recognizing real heroes like Dennis Quaid in G.I. Joe.

Bros: Sherlock Holmes is up for two statues.

Cons: Since when did the Original Score and Art Direction categories become the Kicks the Most Ass and the Screen Duo awards?

Bros: Randy Newman, who has two songs nominated for The Princess and the Frog, looks to become the first posthumous Oscar winner since Heath Ledger.

Cons: Wait. Randy Newman’s not dead?

Bros: James Cameron and Kathryn Bigelow aren’t the only nominees within a category to be romantically linked. (They were once married).

Cons: I can’t see that Meryl Streep Bullock kiss again. It haunts my dreams.

10 BETS:

Over/Under 22: The age of Clooney’s date.

Over/Under 4: Shots of Jeff Bridges looking wistful when The Weary Kind plays for Best Original Song.

Over/Under 8: Times Tarantino looks like the patriarch of a Vampire clan.

Over/Under 12: Times Steve Martin and Alec Baldwin get the first laugh in following their own jokes.

Over/ Under 4: Times you’ll hear the word ‘Haiti’ more than ‘Obama.’

Over/Under 1: Standing ovations during the In Remembrance montage.

Over/Under 1.5 million: Number of people that will ask ‘wait a second; the Coen brothers did a movie this year?’

Over/Under 7: Number of people that will be played off by the house band when their speeches go on too long.

Over/Under 10: Minutes that the telecast runs past 11.

Over/Under 14: Failed attempts at humor by the winners of the Documentary, Short, Animated Short, and Animated Feature categories.  

Thanks for reading everyone and, as always, I’ve gone over my allotted time and word count.

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