Hall of Frat: Third Class:

1. Chris Hemsworth: Not only is he starring in the Red Dawn remake, he’s landed the coveted Thor role. If a major studio thinks you’re cool enough to top-line a summer blockbuster about the hammer-wielding Norse God after only starring in an Aussie Soap Opera, then you’re good enough for us.
2. Chris Pine: We’re no Trekkies, but his Kirk had Burt Reynolds-style bravado. And then, on the heels of Trek’s success, he signs on to Denzel’s next vehicle. That’s a Hall move.
3. Alan Rickman: The Harry Potter movies keep getting better and better. The only thing that hasn’t changed since the first one is that Rickman is the still the best part about them.
4. Kenny Powers: His training video is technically a movie. He’s fucking in.
5. James Franco: He’ll be a controversial inductee, but the justification lies in his Pineapple Express performance. A few Kirsten Dunst romantic comedies could make us regret the decision, but he’s got a ‘medieval screwball’ flick coming out with Danny McBride next summer. I think we’ll be ok.
6. Mathew Perry: Friends was on while I was doing a ton of squats and lifting a bunch of weight at the gym and I thought to myself, in between my 21st and the 22nd rep, “I really like that Chandler Bing.”
7. Jon Hamm: He’s a Frat classic on Mad Men and he impresses on the B.S. report. Normal dude.
8. Don Cheadle: One of those Jack-of-All-Bros that can go from very funny to very good to very serious at the drop of a hat.
9. Phillip Seymour Hoffman: Call it the first official Hall apology. Dude’s a first balloter. I always sit through Along Came Polly for him. That’s saying something.
10. Tommy Lee Jones: The Fugitive is the easy reference here, but we’re going to point to Fire Birds, the early ’90s helicopter epic with Nic Cage, and Under Siege as two lesser-known and under appreciated examples of his Hall-worthiness.
11. Josh Brolin: Sure he’s hitting on all cylinders now, but his first performance - as sleeveless Brand Walsh in the Goonies 25 years ago – placed him firmly on his inevitable path to the HOF.
12. Bradley Cooper: You’d think that the Zak-man, a parody of everything bro, would leave us a little biased, but The Hangover and an upcoming role in The A Team more than makes up for it. Plus, we like crab cakes and football, too.
13. Ryan Reynolds: A bag full of regrets is part of being a bro. So Reynolds has peed the bed a couple times – see Definitely, Maybe and The Proposal - Van Wilder’s still Van Wilder and he’s got two superhero blockbusters in the queue.
14. Gerard Butler – We’ve penalized him two rounds for P.S. I Love You and the Ugly Truth, but 300 stands alone and Gamer looks bro-tastic. Still waiting for him to emerge as the action star he should be though.
15. Casey Affleck: Though he will probably never have that one classic Frat role or movie, when it’s all said and done, I bet you his resume will consist of more above average bro pics than your typical Hall member. Good Will Hunting, the Oceans, Gone Baby Gone, Jesse Jame, etc. – not a bad start.
16. James Cameron: Opening up the Hall to directors could shake up the very foundation of this enterprise, but we just can’t ignore the contributions of Mr. Cameron. I get a serious Bro-ner every time someone brings up Avatar.
17. L.L. Cool J: Though you could insert Tyrese into every one of his roles and not miss a beat, LL gets serious bonus points for his contribution to the ‘soft core porn music video’ category. He basically invented the slow motion booty shake interlude.
18. Jude Law: Some guys just have a thing for nannies.
19. Wes Studi: He’s been the go-to ‘bad Indian’ for the past twenty years. The white man would remiss if we didn’t reward him for that.
20. Colin Farrell: Every movie that Farrell’s in should have a line explaining his Irish brogue, no matter how out of place it may be. As long as he’s not stumbling over an American accent, he’s a surprisingly good actor.
21. Kevin Costner: Hi my name’s Bill Frat. ‘Hey Bill Frat.’ And I like Waterworld.
22. Dennis Quaid: Did you know that he is bar none the best golfer in Hollywood and considered one of the strongest athletes in the industry? He’d be a first balloter if ‘guys you want at your cookout’ were a top qualifier.
23. Antonio Banderas: Desperado has some classic gunplay and our ‘ethnic wing’ is fairly empty at this point.
24. Tom Hanks: Always a fantastic late night guest. This goes a long way when discerning the real bros from the fake ones. Kills it in everything. 
25. Gary Oldman: A terrific villain. Gets the Hall nod after nailing the ‘good guy’ role in The Dark Knight.
26. Eric Bana: Goes toe to toe with Pitt – a first balloter – admirably in Troy and shows some villain range in Star Trek. Also, Hoot in Black Hawk Down is a signature bro role.
27. Ice Cube: Yes Cube, there are snakes out there this big.
28. Michael Biehn: Doesn’t work a ton, but when he does, he makes it count. See Terminator, Aliens, The Rock, and Tombstone. That’s one helluva batting average.
29. Jeremy Renner: We like to predict future bros as much as we like to recognize established ones. After having seen The Hurt Locker, it’s safe to say that he would have ended up here eventually.
30. Jon Bon Jovi: He’s got a couple cameos under his belt. That counts.

SECOND CLASS:

• Cole Hauser: Paparrazi is actually a documentary.
• Meryl Streep: She is one of the few people in the world that is critically and financially acclaimed. Doing no wrong is coo.
• Brad Pitt: Though there are a handful of asterisks on his resume that the purists will argue should keep him out – i.e. the highlights and The Mexican – his body of bro work as a whole is too hard to ignore. 
• Tom Brady: We were just waiting for him to get a SAG card, and now with his upcoming cameo on Entourage, he’s in.
• Jesus Shuttlesworth: Loved him at State.
• Carl Weathers: Takes a real man to push another guy as hard as he did in Rocky III. The beach jog was warranted.
• Billy from Predator: There’s no getting inside his head. Ever. The jungle’s alive.
• Ed Harris: Steely blues overshadow questionable life choices. Always.
• Kurt Russell: If, if you want to hurt Kurt Russell, and, and you throw a knife at him, he’ll, well, he will catch it, and, god dammit, he will throw it right back at you.
• The Black Dude from Dazed and Confused: Buying a six-pack and handing out five beers is hall material.
• Kevin Bacon: Because he stomped on Lithgow’s yard.
• Penelope Cruz: Straddles the line between unbelievably good looking and unbelievably talented better than anyone since Pitt. Went there.
• Channing Tatum: I like that, at a crucial part in his career, when a safe romantic comedy could’ve catapulted him to A list status, he signs on to a movie called ‘Fighting.’ And headlining G.I. Joe doesn’t hurt either.
• Josh Halloway: T.V stars are usually third ballot hall of fraters at the least, but Sawyer Man earns a spot at the top. He’s been broing way too hard on that island for way too long to go unrecognized. Great D.L.
• McNulty from the Wire: Defies the boozy detective cliché by banging a red head.
• Taylor Kitsch: Earns the ‘brooding bro’ award. With a rippling quad…
• San Worthington: Think about it: he’s a so-so mid major that somehow gets into the tourney as a 1 seed. No one buys into the ranking due to a lack of nationally televised games. We’re all off the bandwagon until he starts to deliver. Day after day. Frat.
• Will Arnet: Slow-spoken deep voices are funny.
• Paul Newman: Didn’t just pretend to be the man.
• Johnny Drama: Viking Quest hasn’t aged well, but Five Towns is solid entertainment.
• Viggo Mortensen: Made a naked knife fight bad ass. But I didn’t watch it. Did you watch it? I never watched it….Dong.
• Mr. Pixar: Der, he’s a real person.
• Chris Evans: Eventually he’ll grow out of the whole ‘best thing about bad movies’ phase he’s in right now. Though Cellular and Sunshine aren’t necessarily worth the price of admissions, Evans has earned a shot at above average material.
• John Cena: Makes jean shorts kinda cool. Well, not really. But we respect him for trying.
• Val Kilmer: Doc Holliday is an all timer. And the Hall needs a wing man.
• Bill Murray: Just because the super-serious dominate the walls, doesn’t mean we exclude the funny men. A smug smile goes just as far a clenched jaw. We’re also on board for the recently green lit Ghost Busters 3.
• Marky Mark: Even when the occasion calls for a less frat mentality – take the ‘losing his cool over the SNL skit’ for example - he’s  a bro through and through.
• Jon Voight  from Anaconda: Underrated bad guy performance. There are snakes out there that big. And they’re named Jon Voight.
• Harvey Keitel: When it’s thirty minutes away, he’ll be there in ten. Plus, his performance on Life on Mars is the bro role of ’09 nobody is talking about.
• Eric Roberts: There is nothing wrong with a guy that enjoys a paycheck. He has over 170 credits to his name. And they say Julia’s the talented one. We beg to differ.
• Stallone: You know he wrote Cliffhanger? Nuff said. Plus, he didn’t draw first blood.
• Howie Long: The portrait of betrayal in Broken Arrow. But boy did he win us back with Firestorm. 

FIRST CLASS: 

• Burt Reynolds: There is no one more deserving of a position in the H.O.F than the Bandit.
• Keanu: Pop quiz, why should Neo be in the Hall? He shoots the hostage.
• Paul Walker: He’s so bro he can’t even act un-bro when the role calls for it. 
• Rambo: He didn’t draw first blood. 
• The Beef: The youngest inductee. The frat is strong with this one.
• Michael Bay: Reminds the world that shit blowing up is, and forever will be, badass.  
• Chief Ryback: Stoically covers up a medicated stripper while she’s lethargically dancing out of a cake. Now that’s bro. 
• Spicoli: He’s been high since the third grade. 
• Mel Gibson: Listen, if we were as passionate about anything the way Mel is about Jesus, than the world would be a better place. And the roads would be very dangerous.
• Sam the Dog from I Am Legend: Our first female inductee. If bros cried, our tears of Keystone would be honorably spilled for you. 
• D Day: Day Lewis is probably zero fun to hang out with, but the guy brings the noise. Like Bon Jovi.
• Denzel: A face on Mount RushBro. 
• Affleck: He was the bomb in Phantoms.
• Swayzee: Still can’t look a bouncer in the eyes without thinking he’s going to rip my jugular out.
• Sheen: When your wife references your ‘addiction to porn’ as a cause for the divorce, than you pretty much have a guaranteed spot in the Hall.
• Jeff Bridges: He abides.
• Tracy Morgan: I get the impression that his performance on 30 Rock is autobiographical. Which is fine by me.
• Robert Downey Jr.: Makes ‘rock bottom’ not seem like the end of the world.
• Collin Farrell: He could speak in an American accent if he wanted to. I believe that.
• Paul Rudd: The thinking man’s bro.
• Tom Cruise: Duh.
• Harrison Ford: He’s our resident ‘Old Cranky Bro.’
• Tugg Speedman: Loved Scorcher II.
• Nic Cage: Let’s Ride! You keep make movies Mr. Cage and we’ll keep anticipating them suspiciously.
• Bruce Willis: There’s a clause in his contract that says he can never fail a mission. Ever.
• T.I: Qualifies because of his cameo in American Gangster. And because he roles around with a machine gun.
• Hasselhoff: You can’t have an H.O.F without the original H.O.F.
• Jason Bourne: The only thing keeping him off Mount RushBro is his terrible taste in women. I blame it on the head injury.
• Edward Bloom: The man’s been thirsty his whole life.
• Clint Eastwood: We needed another grumpy drunk in the Hall to keep Mel company. Eastwood’s a throwback Bro. Probably would grimace if I offered up the ‘Pound.’ 
• Mathew McConaughey: No shirt no problem. Plus, Wooderson’s an all-timer.
• Andy Dufrese: He likes to ‘get busy.’

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