Frat Thought - noun. Definition: A nonsensical one liner that helps make sense of the nonsensical. In this case, the movies of 2009...

Only three movies this year had the performer’s name in the title: Tyler Perry’s two flicks and Michael Jackson’s This Is It. Coincidence?

Invictus saved an otherwise awful year for the sports genre. The only other popular sports flick in ’09 was The Blind Side.

Speaking of the Blind Side, does anyone really care that Sandra Bullock is having a good year? If anything, it makes me wish Keanu Reeves got more work in ’09.

If you replace the last word in a movie title with ‘butthole,’ the five best would be: Harry Potter and The Half Blood Butthole, Cloudy with a Chance of Butthole, He’s Just Not that Into Butthole, Ninja Butthole, and My Sister’s Butthole.

Out of ‘09s top ten moneymakers, only one movie was not animated, a sequel, or part of a franchise. That movie was The Hangover (#4). If recycled-content continues to dominate original material, why invest in new stories?

G.I. Joe: The Rise of the Cobra was the funniest movie I saw in the theatres this year. Followed closley by 2012.

It’s only appropriate that the man who singled-handedly popularized the Bromance, Judd Apatow, helped kill the genre. I would have felt bad for him if someone else did Funny People.

If you invested in Sasha Baron Cohen, you had a bad year.

Guess Hollywood needs to re-think January. Typically just a dumping ground for delayed titles, the first month of the year saw both Paul Blart (146 million) and Taken (145 million) emerge as sleeper blockbusters. (And judging by a few of the more expensive-looking movies being released next month – see The Book of Eli – it appears that someone was paying attention).

What percentage of Public Enemies total can be attributed to its trailer? Because it wasn’t due to word of mouth.

The Alvin and the Chipmunks Award for the movie that, due to its surpise success, will inevitably get a rushed sequel that nobody asks for goes to: G Force. Paranormal Activity finishes in a close second.

Shia Labeouf starred in one movie this year and it made more money than any other. The Beef always delivers.

Just because Twlight had the biggest opening weekend of ’09 doesn’t mean that the vampire genre is completely can’t-miss. The Vampire’s Assistant, budgeted at $40 million, proved to be one of the biggest bombs of the year. Yes, John C. Reilly’s appeal may not match Robert Pattinson’s, but a loss for this genre is a win for the rest of us.

In a year full of comebacks that fell flat – welcome back Michael Moore, Stepfathers, and the chick from My Big Fat Greek Wedding – none was quieter than Mike Judge’s. Extract, really? You did Office Space, Mike.

2009 was a terrible year for portly comedians. Will Ferrell’s Land of the Lost was such a disaster that it cost a couple of executives over at Universal their jobs. Seth Rogan, with Funny People and Observe and Report, failed to find an audience. Twice. And Jack Black was in Year One. Remember that?

Is the torture porn genre officially dead? The Final Destination, Friday the 13th, and Saw all disappointed. Or, to put it terms they’d understand, is the torture porn genre officially limbless with its eyeballs stitched into its mouth?

Underworld decided to challenge Resident Evil for the most unlikely trilogy of the decade.

Say the average ticket price is $11 and Knowing made $80 million. That means that nearly 7.2 million people all made the exact same awful decision. Within the span of two months. Chew on that Malcolm Gladwell. 

Bruce Willis needs a good 2010.
 
Did you know that there was a Pink Panther 2?

I like it when movies like Planet 51 fails. We need a computer-generated kid flick to bomb every now and then so that the makers don’t get lazy. With Up, Monsters Vs. Aliens, Ice Age, and Meatballs, they make it look too easy.

Vince Vaughn needs to take a Funny Guy Retreat.

And the winner of the ‘Holy shit, That Did That Well Award’ is The Ugly Truth at $89 million. Hotel for Dogs came in second at $73 million.

In a tight race that no one was paying attention to, The Unborn beat out The Undead for the right to call themselves the ‘less terrible horror movie to begin with ‘un’ in ’09.

Thanks to Ninja Assassins to proving to Hollywood that Korean pop stars cannot, in fact, carry an action movie. You could have given me the $40 million to tell you that.

Did anyone ever wonder how much cooler Miley Cyrus was than the Jonas Brothers. You did? Well the answer is 4. She is 4 times cooler. (Hannah Montana the Movie: $80 million vs. The Jonas Brother 3D Experience: 20 million).

Brendan Fraser continues his roller coaster career with Inkheart, a fantasy bomb that, once again, came on the heels of a mini comeback. Can’t wait for Extraordinary Measures – due out in January – to do really well.

With the Invention of Lying and Live Hard, Sell Hard, Ricky Gervais and Jeremy Piven battled it out this year for the title of the ‘Most Talented Funny Person with Surprisingly No Appeal.’

I wish that, back in February when I heard that Hilary Swank was going to be in an Amelia Earhart biography, I didn’t put $1,000 on her to win an Oscar.

After The Marine and 12 Rounds, John Cena may not get a third movie. But please, if there’s a God, give us one.

Hey Diablo Cody, I know you like pop culture and everything, but you should really stop doing your ‘Eddie Murphy’s Career’ impersonation.

And speaking of Eddie Murphy, the streak of box office disasters is alive! Imagine That, budgeted at $55 million, made 16. Why wouldn’t you bankroll his next movie? He’s due, right?

Well, that’s it for 2009. But don’t worry everyone, 2010 is right around the corner. And what does that mean. Well, it means this: http://www.apple.com/trailers/paramount/ironman/

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