In reference to the Avatar video game, James Cameron said that he just wanted to “make something that didn’t suck.” In fact, he went so far as to say that he didn’t want “anything associated with Avatar to suck.” This statement is exactly why Cameron and his team hired the Bill Frat crew to handle all of the promotional tie-ins with the movie. From limited edition subs to star studded events, here are the seven marketing campaigns we’ll be rolling out in the next couple of weeks in anticipation of the blockbuster…

The Avatar Bro-etry Slam Series:

Slam poetry, as defined by the internet, is a “postmodern form of performance poetry that occurs within a competitive event, called a "slam." The Bro-etry Slam Series is a nationwide tour featuring a few bros that preach the spoken word of Avatar. Here’s an example of what you might hear at the event: “My mind. Like the tainted fantasies of an adolescent boy. Blown. My heart. Like a little girl down the street. Skipped. My face. Like lave. Melted.” Pretty raw, right?

The Duke vs. UNC Basketball Game:

We decided to sponsor college basketball’s biggest rivalry and rename it. For this game, it will be know as the James Cameron Crazies vs. the Ava-Tar Heels. Every North Carolina player will be painted royal blue and the Duke squad will be forced to wear fake tails. Also, the entire crowd, in honor of Cameron, will behave arrogantly, which, as it’s in Duke, shouldn’t be hard to pull off.

Pandora.com Cameron Marathon:

Pandora.com, for 72 hours, will only play music from James Cameron movies. The reason we’re doing this, outside of the fact that Pandora is the name of the film’s other-world setting, is so that we can nail down the ever-elusive Celine Dion demographic. Our research indicates that 45-55 year-old lonely women are the sole audience not totally pumped to see this opening weekend. If we can get them, we have everyone.

The Win a Life Contest:

Starting next week, we’ll be sponsoring a sweepstakes for a free life. To enter, you just need to have seen the Avatar trailer over 20 times. The grand prize features a girlfriend, two bar buddies, a stainless shirt, pants without an elastic waistband, the Wii, a gym membership, and a few play lists from the 90s. The winner will be announced in March. (We don’t want to give anyone a life before Avatar has finished its theatrical run).

3-D Eyeballs:

The only annoying thing about Avatar is that we’ll have to watch it with bulky glasses on. That’s why we’ll be holding free clinics across the country where we’ll be surgically replacing people’s boring, old fashioned eyeballs with mechanical 3D ones. Sure, things are going to be blurry for 99% of their lifetime, but think how fucking sweet Avatar is going to be with 3D eyeballs!

Ava-Bars:

For the next three weeks, we will be converting every Applebees into an Ava-Bar, a mind-blowingly sweet neighborhood hangout. It’ll be like experiencing Dave and Busters on mushrooms. All games, especially skee-ball, will be played in 3-D. The drinks are overpriced but the basketballs for that awesome hoops arcade game will be royal blue. That’s sick. 

The A.V.A.T.A.R Sub:

We’re teaming up with Subway to release the A.V.A.T.A.R sub, “a very awesome totally astonishing roll.” This sandwich will be defined by its grandeur. It will be the most expensive sub on the menu, will look unbelievably tasty, and will be so overstuffed with meat that you won’t know how feel about it. We’re hoping to convince your stomach that something this pricey and big has to be good. Just like the movie.

Comments (0)

Write comment

Name

Comment

smaller | bigger

Add Comment