Movies with large ensemble casts that weave together multiple storylines usually take the form of a Romantic Comedy or a Drama – see Love Actually, He’s Just Not that Into You, Crash and Babel. They’re also wildly successful - see the recent Valentine’s Day (69 million its opening weekend). So why not apply this template to the action genre? The final product would be a hyperkinetic blockbuster featuring several interconnected kickass characters and scenarios. In part one of this epic movie pitch, we will explore the people that would appear in this flick…

The Players:

The ‘Married-to-the-Job’ Alcoholic Veteran.

Notes: This character will also double as the ‘I’m Too Old for This Shit’ Guy. There’s a good chance he’ll die heroically at the end, too. Probably in slow motion. And if we could triple up the cliches, we might even saddle him with some ‘shot-a-child-so-he-can’t-pull-the-trigger-anymore’ baggage.

The Mismatched Partners.

Notes: This pair could either be young and old, black and white, or male and female. We could also go for the trifecta and match a young black female with an old white male. Though they start off on completely different wave lengths, they inevitably grow to depend on – and perhaps love - one another. It helps if one is by the books and the other’s a wild card. They must always be shot in the same frame and the younger partner should frequently say ‘here we go again.'

The Retired Thief Roped Into One Last Job:

Notes: This guy must be squinty, wistful and full of nonsensical sayings such as, “a safe is like a beautiful woman, you have to be gentle if you want her to open up.” We also get to exploit a few other action favorites through this guy: the ‘old partner that never went clean’ and the ‘suspicious yet forgiving wife.’ We’ll be sure to explore themes of loyalty and second chances through this character.

The Guilty Hired-Gun On His Final Assignment:

Notes: This guy has to be involved in at least once scene where there’s a close up of his sweaty brow as he’s hesitating behind the scope of his rifle. Also, we need one sequence of him on his cell phone, pacing, shouting stuff like - “I’m out, ok, this is the last time.” He’ll also be inevitably double crossed be his long time handler who was once – or so he thought – his friend. We can touch on themes of loyalty in this one, too.

The Business-Like Getaway Driver:

Notes: As long as he looks cool behind the wheel, we don’t need a lot from this character. The chase sequences will be the star of his segment. If we need him to have some humility, we’ll tuck a picture of a young girl in his visor that he occasionally looks at says stuff like - “daddy will be home for supper, princess.”

The Remorseless and Charismatic Killer:

Notes: Nothing sells ‘I’m crazy’ to the viewer like a solo dance sequence to weird music – see Dead Calm, Reservoir Dogs, and Silence of the Lambs. Our pschyo will be sure to boogie relentlessly. He'll need a tick, too, like whistling a well known jingle before he kills.

The Eager Rookie:

Notes: I'd like this to see some version of this line uttered at least twice: "Sure you finished at the top of your class, but do he know where a coked up hustler is most likely to hide his knife? You don’t get street smarts from a book rookie."

The Recently Suspended Renegade Cop:

Notes: He’s either been suspended indefinitely or completely kicked off the force. He has a drinking problem, an ex wife, and a couple kids that call him by his first name. Outside of the occasional heart and jaw, the only thing he breaks are the rules. If Bruce Willis isn’t available, we’ll hold a loved one hostage until he agrees to do it.

The Hapless Security Guard:

Notes: Every action movies needs a comical outlet and nothing lightens up the mood like a loveable loser finally given the opportunity to shine. And, if we want to introduce a supernatural element into one of the storylines, we’d do it here and have the guard work the night shift at a mysterious laboratory. “When a genetic experiment goes wrong, the only thing standing between a bloodthirsty beast and an unsuspecting, sleepy town is a guy making $7.50 an hour.” Kevin James is probably too expensive now so we could throw a cheeseburger and couple hundred bucks at Sam Wise Gamgee from Lord of the Rings and see if he's in.

Now that we know the main players that will appear in Action, Actually, stay tuned for Part Two where we will detail the scenes and interconnected segments that will drive the movie. (Editors Note: If you're a high powered studio executive interested in purchasing Action, Actually, this pitch is for sale. Just know that I will not sell it unless I'm cast as the Eager Rookie and one of the Mismatched Partners).

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