With the monstrous distraction that was MSNBC’s Curling Coverage way, way behind us, we can finally get back to the production of digestible, weird content that is, in essence, the Frat Newsletter. If we can fill a tiny part of the void left by Cheryl Bernard and her band of Canadian Ice Princesses, then we’ve done our job. Enjoy and, as always, check out more at BillFrat.com.

If Taglines Told the Truth:

The ‘Real’ Slogans to March Movies…

Alice in Wonderland

Enjoy it. You’ll End up Convincing Yourself It’s Better than It Is Anyways.

Brooklyn’s Finest

If you liked Training Day, Please Buy a Ticket to this.

Green Zone:

Jason Bourn. Iraq. This Can’t Be Not Cool.

Remember Me:

Your Welcome Girls 11-16

She’s Out Of My League:

Can You Laugh At One Joke for Two Hours?

The Bounty Hunter:

It’s Slightly Better than Reading US Weekly.

Repo Men:

Gratuitous Violence. Chance of Nudity.

The Runaways:

It’s About a Girl Rock Band. If that’s Not Your Thing, Move Along.

Hot Tub Time Machine:

The Hangover Was Funny, Right?

How to Train Your Dragon:

If You’re a Babysitter or a Parent, You Won’t Hate It.

Five Academy Award Pre-Dick-Tions:

Oscar Wins Ripe with Sexual Innuendo…

1: Christopher Waltz beats a Lovely Bone.

2: Streep loses, gets it up The Blind Side.

3: Cameron pounds his ex wife’s Hurt Locker.

4: Jeff Bridges gets on top of A Single Man

5: Pixar gets it Up for a Princess. And a Fox.

10 Golden Pitches

Movie Ideas Inspired By the Olympics

Fish Out of Frozen Water

Columbus Short stars as Shani Davis.

Legally Blond 3: Snow Queen

Cameron Diaz stars as Lindsey Vonn

Flame Throwers

Zach Braff stars as a male ice dancer.

The Flavor Savior

Justin Long stars as Apollo Ohno

The Snow Leopard

Jamie Foxx stars as the Ghana Alpine Skier

Curling Cougars

Diane Lane stars as Cheryl Bernard, the Canadian Curling captain.

Snow Blow

Charlie Sheen stars as Bode Miller.

Bourne Boring

Matt Damon stars as a biathlete.

Half Baked Half Pipe

Robert Downey Jr. stars as a U.S. Snowboarder Coach

I’m Here For You

Tom Hanks stars as Bob Costas.

Haiku Reviews:

Edge of Darkness:

A classic Mel flick.

Ransom combined with Payback.

And lots of head shots.

Valentine’s Day:

Imagine a bad

Sitcom, like Mad About You.

Playing for hours.

Shutter Island:

If you buy the twist,

You will enjoy the movie,

If not. Sucks for you.

Five Press Conferences That Will Reveal Less than Tiger Woods’

Clooney admits that he’s the man.

Denzel comes clean about playing the same character in every movie.

Sean Penn concedes that he’s a jerk.  

James Van Der Beek announces that he’s no longer a high profile performer.

Tom Cruise endorses the Tom Cruise Box Set.

Five Things I Ponder When a Remember Me Promo or Commercial Comes On…

5: Did Pierce Brosnan and Chris Cooper think this was a Twilight movie?

4: How did Claire get off the Island?

3: What’s Bob’s appeal?

2: Is Summit Entertainment airing this promo a ton or should I be concerned that they’re just advertising it during the shows that I watch? If they are, then what demographic does this put me in?

1: I bet the girl dies. 

Thanks for reading everyone, stay tuned for the next Newsletter!

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